chelly. about MEEEEE.

waa! malapit na. ayoko pa.

[masaya magovernight! sa uulitin! salamat jonas, kevin, pat and sel!]

[feeler. bahala ka na kung anong iisipin mo.]

ugh. naiinins ako. ayaw magplay samen. ang topak nung pc at dvd.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do..

malapit na pasko.

wala pa rin :[[

ugh.

“stupidness.”

umaga. pumunta kame sa doa. aun. masaya. maraming nagawa.

hapon. nawala ung time ard. pero masaya.

cs. oh yea. BI daw. harhar. di ren.

soooooo happy today.

with you, i’m contented. it’s better this way. i’m loving it. i love it.

you are my angel in disguise. you have the ability to make me feel special even if i really am not.

stay this way. ily. secretly.

“if only I knew what I know today..

Would you tell me was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do.
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back…”

Now I know how it feels
To be left out.
To be avoided by someone.
To be ignored.
It feels so sad, so terrible.
I should have known.

I was cruel.
You are now.
We are now.

(what? Bitter!! I know he’s mad. You don’t have to repeat it over and over again.)

Do you remember the day when we both cry at the same time for the same reason? I missed that. Although it’s a sad thing, I know we felt the same for the same things.

It’s so out of line to try to turn back time.
(perfect song.:)) I’m sorry for blaming you. For everything I just couldn’t do.)

Leaf departure is because of wind pursuit or because the tree didn’t ask her to stay.

The story ends here.

its
funny. it seems that you erased me from your memory or something. is this how
its supposed to end? i am now no more than a complete stranger to you. am i?
thanks for the friendship anyway. it was fun while it lasted.

Shouldn’t the world stop?

Don’t they know what happened to me?

“there are no hopeless
situations.

Only people who think
hopelessly.”

Someone said he’s mad at me.

He’s mad.

 Oh yea.

 I’m being childish. Immaturity.

i hate myself.

just like what i feel everyday.
i hate myself.
    for being so close-minded.
    for being  insensitive.
    for being stubborn.
    for being prideful.
    for being a fool
    for being soooooo bad.
    for being just me.

naiinggit ako sa kanila.
buti pa sila nakakauasap ka.
buti pa sila?
tama ba yun?
basta.

are you mad at me?
i dont know.
but i’m sorry.

don’t act as if you know everything. you dont know me. you dont know my life.

I don’t wanna see your face
I don’t wanna hear your name
I don’t wanna thing
Just stay away baby
Don’t wanna know if you’re alright
Or what you’re doin’ with your life
Don’t wanna hear you say you’ll just stay in touch baby
I’ll get by just fine
And if you’re goin’ then darlin’
Goodbye, goodbye

Don’t call me in the middle of the night no more
Don’t expect me to be there
Don’t think that it will be the way it was before
Don’t think that I care
I’m not over you yet
And I don’t wanna be your friend

I’ll forget we ever met
I’ll forget I ever let
Ever let you into this heart of mine baby
You just gotta let me be
You gotta keep away from me
‘Cause all I want is just to be free from you baby
Don’t you come around
And say you still care about me
Just go now, go now

Don’t call me in the middle of the night no more
Don’t expect me to be there
Don’t think that it will be the way it was before
Don’t think that I care
I’m not over you yet
And I don’t wanna be your friend

You take it casually, baby it’s killing me
Goodbye, goodbye

Don’t call me in the middle of the night no more
Don’t expect me to be there
Don’t think that it will be the way it was before
No baby
Don’t call me in the middle of the night no more
I’m not over you yet
And I don’t want to be your friend
I don’t want to be your friend

Don’t call me
Don’t come around
And I don’t wanna be your friend

Where will I start? I don’t know. Many things had happened. To me. To you. To us. Some were the kind you want to keep. But some were heartbreaking. So where will I start?

I had just woke up. It was six in the morning, a Sunday. My mind was empty but my heart wasn’t. I want to let the things I kept inside (feelings.. hatred –love.) I want to write something about it. I want to write everything. This is the only way I know.

Don’t get the wrong idea. This isn’t a love story. Absolutely not. Or at least not the kind of romantic love thingy. It’s about me. It’s about you. Yes, you. The person to whom I trust, the person I think about at this point just like I what did everyday. You. Who gave me no reasons why I am feeling what I am actually feeling. Why I care damn so much.

So where will I start?

Should I say we were friends? That’s a good beginning. And that was the start. First impressions first, he’s not the kind you can easily approach. (superior-inferior thingy) but I’ve got the chance to know him. Maybe, a little more. Memories, such happy memories. He was someone to whom you can share your thoughts (but I doubt if I had shared one.) he was fun-to-be-with. He was special. Only, he doesn’t realize it.

Going back to the beginning, yes we were friends. And I consider him as one of my best friends in my life. And for me, I think he values friendship greatly. It was so great to the point that this idiot heart of mine gave in. but it’s not love. You may call it a need but not love. Or maybe.

What is the point of writing all these? It doesn’t make sense. There isn’t really any problem. Nothing to brag about.

Change.

It seems that this damn heart led me to change attitudes towards him. I felt unease. I can’t act normal. I actually end up ignoring him. Well, maybe for him it was just nothing. It was normal. Maybe he doesn’t care. It wasn’t easy for me reach out.

This is a big thing for me. The things that is happening to us. Ignore. Gap. Great distance. It feels like I’m not complete. When will this end? It’s a heavy feeling. And I need him.

He was very special to me to the point that I ended up feeling hatred. Unreasonable person you may call me. I don’t know why. I don’t know how. I don’t know to whom. Maybe to him. Maybe to me. 

I wish I could go back to the times when we’re close. When we laugh at the same things . when I understand him. When he understands me. I wish I could, but I don’t think I can. At least not fully. With this heart. With these misinterpretations. With these gaps. I wish I just didn’t feel anything. So it would be easy.

I just wasted a great friendship. Damn. Me.

At the end of the day, it was really my loss. A strange feeling. I desperately want to understand him. Help him each time he has problems. Although I know he is strong enough to handle such things. He may not need me, he wouldn’t. Everything’s fine.

Act normal. As if nothing happened. Don’t be so emotional.

Slowly but surely, I will overcome such silly feelings. Like that four-letter word. We’re friends I still believe.

I know we can go back to the way we used to be. There will be no gaps. No more love thing for him. We’re friends. And that’s what I love about us.

Can you keep a secret? Talk to me.

iloveyou. youyouyou. ihate you.